my egg moment

there is a scene from the movie “Runaway Bride” that closely represents where i’m at in life right now.  Maggie (aka:  Julia Roberts) is confronted with the fact that she has no idea what kind of eggs she likes.  she just sort of adopts as her favorite, whatever kind her current boyfriend happens to like.  eventually she is confronted and told plainly that she makes no decisions for herself, or rather, forms no opinion on certain things, to make life easier or for whatever reason she may have.  when she breaks up with the most recent boyfriend, she decides she WILL determine what kind of eggs she herself likes best.  she makes a small plate of each kind and begins her journey.  she ends up with the realization that eggs benedict is her favorite and she hates all other kinds of eggs. 

in a way, i’ve been like that.  there are things i’m opinionated about for sure, but there are moments where i just kind of meld into what the majority wants, or i ‘like’ things because someone else does and vice-versa, or i do things because that’s what someone i may like, likes.  and like Maggie, i don’t even realize i do that.  i’m not sure exactly what the defining moment was (i have a vague idea, but i’ll keep that private) for me but sometime over the weekend, i just had this sort of wake up call.  i did a lot of purging and cleaning and organizing of my stuff.  and it was so liberating!  i dropped off 5 bags of stuff to the thrift store.  and in a way, this was the beginning.  as i sorted and decided what stayed and what got donated, i did a lot of thinking and clearing out of my mind. 

i’ve never been a sheep.  i don’t follow just for the sake of following trends.  but i do like to please people (which in and of itself isn’t bad), and sometimes in the process, i lose myself.  i’m not sure where this came from either.  it’s like i’ve had this secret stash of likes and dislikes and opinions that i know about but no one else did.  this new feeling has been very refreshing.  i was trying to verbalize this new sensation i’m feeling to a friend the other day and this is what it boiled down to for me:  i’ve chosen to not care.  not in the sense that i don’t care about people or causes or my faith and what-have-you, but more in meaning that i no longer care if someone is taken aback by the fact that i think different politically than a huge chunk of the general population.  or that i’m no longer going to sit around waiting for someone to take notice of me whilst i pretend to be certain things that i’m not, ultimately wasting my time. 

i could go into an exhaustive list of what’s been liberating for me, but that would be boring and tedious.  all i know is that being true to myself and using this new found (or just dusting ‘me’ off again) freedom will allow me to tap into my gifts more, to utilize my skills and passions for the good and benefit of others, and to truly calculate what’s important and worthwhile.  woot-woot!